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Smashing sexual stereotypes: 3 big lies about women and sex you need to know.

Photo: Ava Sol for Usplash

Women are naturally nurturing, they love to look after children and are absolutely selfless per nature. That’s the reason why they can have sex only when they are in love!

But also unicorns exist, elephants fly and cats will dominate the world (well, might need to double-check about this one, they are so full of tricks up their sleeves!).

Back to our business, rhetoric towards women and sexuality is full of stereotypes based on gender scripts that have been going on for decades, and centuries.

To give you a quick example: do you know about the Bateman’s Principle? In particular, Mr Bateman, studying fruit flies’ behaviour, noticed that males tend to be more aggressive while females are more passive. Consequently, the same indicates “selection should universally favour ‘an undiscriminating eagerness in the males and a discriminating passivity in the females”.

Photo: Maria Talked for Unsplash

I’m sorry but there is something off about it. Who said women are supposed to be passive and nice? Who said we can’t mind our business and our pleasure in the way we deem to be the most appropriate?

We have already talked about this in a previous article (and if you have not read it yet, you better go and take a look here!): I am sure all of us heard at least once (a day, I might add) someone assuming what women like in bed, or on the sofa, or in the kitchen. Well, my friend, I thought it was time for us to make a list of the 3 biggest stereotypes, but I also like to call them lies, about women and sex.

Let’s have a laugh together!

1- WOMEN ARE SEXUALLY PASSIVE

It is probably the time to start from the basics. Centuries of patriarchy have made humanity, most of the time cisgender white men, no offence- believe that women’s personality is for nature tender, and caring, with a natural inclination for looking after others instead of themselves. Consequently, this reflected also on sexual life and the scripts that genders are supposed to follow in this.

From a sexual point of view, it usually translates into women being passive in the sexual act itself, basically being present for the pleasure of the partner instead of their own.

Unfortunately, being told this for centuries, women were the first to believe in this, but it is time to take a better look at the reality we are surrounded by.

Recent studies show that, in a heterosexual couple, men and women are “equally likely to be the member of the couple with lower sexual desire relative to their partner”. But what does it mean? It means that women are allowed to say no, to say what they do not like and, most importantly, are the main characters of their own sexual life.

2- WOMEN NEED TO BE IN LOVE TO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE and/or WOMEN FALL IN LOVE AFTER HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE

Is it that hard to acknowledge that women can have casual sex? If there is something that “Sex and the City” and the only 6 episodes I watched taught me, is that we can have it. Lots of it. Then we can fall in love exactly like we cannot. But there is nothing wrong with it.

We live in an era with no precedents for many reasons. The awareness that women have now towards themselves is changing, however, casual sex is still something controversial.

A study published in 2022 reveals that women are more likely to feel guilty and ashamed towards one-night stands, associating it with a feeling of loneliness and unhappiness. So the question is? Is it true that for women sex is always related to love?

As we discussed in the article published last week, the emotional component is important in pleasure, but that does not mean is essential. The main issue is not that many feel guilty, but the reason why we are induced to feel guilty.

Short answer: patriarchy. Long one: we would probably need a further article only for this.

All this is to say that no, sex and love are not the same. We can enjoy a good orgasm without hoping the person in front of us is going to be an imaginary parent for imaginary children, even more if we use toys like an octopus theme dildo as these make great sexual accessories.

3- WOMEN DO NOT HAVE SEXUAL FANTASIES

You can call them however you want: impure daydreams, dirty thoughts… That does not change the fact that we have them, we have fantasies. When we are working before we go to bed when we brush our teeth.

Men’s Health, in 2018, published an article about fantasies that women have and would like to put into practice, but that for sure would not tell their partner. Let’s make this straight: only because we fantasise about something, does not mean we want it. I often find myself fantasising about the joys of running a marathon or hiking… would I ever do that? Hell no!

But t does not imply that we are allowed to have our imagination works.

A research published in 2015 reports that many women have fantasies towards sexual acts that would never be put into practice, one of them is sexual submission (Sorry, Christian Grey!). At the same time, many practices we might think, in which heterosexual women might be at the top level, have proved themselves not to be pretty common, sex with two men is one of them.

Fun fact: 90% of the women interviewed reported having fantasised about having sex in a romantic location. At least, having understood how we do not need to be saved by a charming prince, we might still maybe ask him for a good orgasm!

In conclusion, my friend, once again it is essential to remember that we are the main character of our sexual life. I am well aware that there are many more stereotypes related to sexuality but we would probably need a book, not an article, to list them all.


In the meanwhile, let me know in the comment section which sexual stereotype annoys you the most! I am all ears!

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