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Opinion: exhaust these 5 approaches to conflict resolution in marriage before considering divorce.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto for Pexele edited with Canva by Moses Treasure

According to the British census of 1971 as cited in Our World in Data about 85% of women between the age of 25 and 29 were married, … By 2011 that figure had declined to 58%. Marriage can be good or bad and divorce can be a good option but not the first option in most cases. Some couples always rush to seek divorce without exploring possible methods of resolving conflicts with their spouse. Explore these options before divorce.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto for Pexele edited with Canva by Moses Treasure

Ignore and forgive: Couples are advised not to react to every offence of their spouse especially if such offence is less consequential or a first-time offence. Consistent reactions to a spouse minor mistake make one nagging. It is important for partners to ignore and forgive some offences of their partner without making a big deal of it.   

Discuss it: This approach should be deployed when a partner’s mistake keeps reoccurring or when a partner commits a consequential offence. Ask your spouse the reasons that prompted such offence and tell your spouse the effect of such offence on you and the union. There are chances that such partner will tender apologies, or explanations for such action. More so, there are chances for such a partner to change for good. 

Seek counselling / therapy:  Sometimes a remorseful partner may find it difficult to change. He/she wants to change but cannot change. This is common with addicts. It is recommended in this situation that one takes the partner to a therapist or counsellor who can professionally help the partner. Click here to know more benefits of marriage counselling

Photo by Polina Zimmerman for Pexels.

See a 3rd party you both respect: Unlike the former where the partner is remorseful and wants to change, here the guilty partner is not remorseful and makes no effort to change. We recommend that a third party who the spouse (the erring spouse) respects be brought on board for the conflict resolution. In most cases such third parties are parents, siblings, friends, or religious leaders of the partner. Their influence can motivate the erring partner to change.

Photo by Polina Zimmerman for Pexels: edited in Canva by Moses Treasure

Separation:  We advise the urgent temporary separation of partners during conflicts that involves abuse and domestic violence. This is because it could be life threatening.  To know more about abuse and domestic violence please read it here.  Separation is the last step before divorce. However, some marriages have been remedied at the separation level and divorce aborted.

Video by Terri Herron Law for YouTube on preparation for divorce.

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