After years of friends telling me what an amazing show Game of Thrones is, I caved in and started watching it about a week ago. Unfortunately nobody told me I’d be subjected to constant spoilers. It’s been a long week, and I’m not sure if it’s paranoia or if people, the media and even Obama is just out to spoil it all for me.
Here’s all you need to know, to live in the world and still catch up on Game of Thrones without having it spoiled for you.
Understanding the characters
The family ties can be quite confusing, who’s related to who, and why on earth are they sleeping together if they are? Unlike every other show where Wikipedia and it’s information is a click away, the Game of Thrones page is a spoiler trap! If you manage to not find a spoiler within 10 seconds, I applaud you.
Trying to look up the actors, because you’ve seen them somewhere before, only to find the spoiler “Game of Thrones: Season 1” in their Filmography.
The one thing you know about Game of Thrones, everyone dies.
You can’t go on social media
Turns out every meme or GIF from the past year has some reference (read spoiler) to Game of Thrones.
Like this one!!! So the Stark chic will be his wife? STOP.
Are EVIL. And the biggest spoiler places of them all.
Whatever you do, don’t causally mention that you watch it
“Did you get to the part where X dies?”, “What do you think of the king?”, *Looks at you funny when you mention someone is pregnant*.
Award shows are TOTALLY off limit
If you know they win something for being in it, that means they’re still alive and will be for many more seasons. I.e., when their lives are at risk, who cares, they’ll live anyway.
You’ll soon begin to find that socializing is off limits
Family, friends, loved ones, they mean well. But when it comes to this they’re complete idiots and they will spoil it all for you.
Pretty much what you need to do is follow Andy Samberg’s tip on how to catch up from the 2015 Emmy’s opening number. Which is to hide in a bunker until you’re done (and there’s even a goddamn spoiler in there).