Sometimes the most exhausting part of my day is saying, “Yeah, I’m good, just busy.”
On top of having to worry about losing my keys every 5 minutes, or forgetting my umbrella in the bus for the 18th time this year, or potentially spending too much money at Flying Tiger after I just swore to stick to the fiver budget (I really need that tote bag), I have to assimilate into society and talk to people…like a normal person would, especially when I am not mentally prepared for a social interaction.
This is a very specific situation that many people understand but rarely talk about. You leave the house with a simple plan to go to the shop, go to class, and go for a walk. A quiet, peaceful mission. You are not emotionally prepared for conversation. You are not prepared for small talk. You are certainly unprepared for the question, “So, what have you been doing?” And now you are unsure whether they want the real answer or the generic “Oh, nothing much.” Just trying my best.” Are they simply being courteous, or are they genuinely interested in knowing? I know the answer to this. We all do.
Small talk is a strange social ritual. Or at least that is how I feel. I have always been very performative because I learned at a very young age that I am required to have social skills despite those not coming to me naturally. So I have learned how to briefly discuss the weather, work, being tired, college life and the promise to hang out, all aspects of small talk.
The conversation usually lasts only a few minutes, but it feels much longer because both people are secretly waiting for a polite moment to leave. You express sentiments such as, “We should catch up sometime,” despite the mutual understanding that this meeting will likely never take place.
What makes these interactions less intriguing to me is the fact that it’s all about social expectations. When I see someone I know, I am expected to stop, smile, ask questions, give brief, polite responses, and act like I was not just trying to buy my snacks and go home in peace. For people like me, who are more introverted, shy, or socially anxious, small interactions can actually be very draining.
According to statistics from Social Anxiety Ireland, about 10-13% of people in Ireland struggle with social anxiety. It’s not that they don’t like people. It’s just that social interaction requires energy, and occasionally that energy is simply not available.
Sometimes, leaving the house feels less like running errands and more like participating in a social obstacle course. You are navigating streets, shops, and public transport while also navigating eye contact, greetings, conversations, and polite exits. All these might not seem like a big deal to you, but they are to some people.
So the next time you see someone you know in public and they look slightly surprised or slightly panicked, don’t take it personally. They are probably not trying to avoid you. They are just trying to complete their mission: leave the house, buy a snack, and return home without unexpected social interaction.
And I promise, they feel worse about making you uncomfortable. They just cannot help it sometimes.
