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“So-called Muslim Man” Refuses to eat pork chops in public.

Photo Credit : Christopher Semewowicz

A Muslim Man from one of the Culchie counties of the south eastern part of the country, was seen eating a pork chop at a house which has unique location of “back arse of nowhere”. Man, who was of none Caucasian complex, was being shouted by his that he shouldn’t be that pork chop he was guzzling into his mouth. Upon inquiry, we discovered the man was a Follower of the religion “Islam”. Also known as Muslims (some of our Caucasian readers sometimes have understanding the difference between the both so, we decided to clarify it).  

A member of our team was having difficulty to understand why the man wasn’t allowed to eat pork or how could even a normally dressed person be a Muslim (he thought they only wore long white dresses.) So, we decided to go ahead and as him a few questions. 

The Circular: How are you a Muslim?  

Muslim Man: Sure, look my parents got me the Muslim version of baptism when I was a child and they also got me circumcised at the same time so, that’s how I suppose. 

Upon questioning some more, we realised the Muslim Man who wishes to be anonymous because if his parents found out that he ate pork would get flip flops thrown at him, didn’t really know much about the religion he was supposed to follow. He claimed,” he was a plastic Muslim like the way half of the Irish Soccer team are plastic paddies” He was also an occasional Atheist.  

We also realised we had crashed someone’s BBQ at this stage and we weren’t welcome there anymore so we cut to the case and asked him why he didn’t want to eat pork in public? He replied, ” I told you about my parents how they love throwing flip flops at the first sign of a commotion?” He giggled a bit and said, “Brown people huh?” Then he continued,” sure look it’s more like a choice like being a vegan. Once I noticed that how vegans loved making a fuss about everything and I wanted to be a part of that. But then I also noticed how people secretly thought how much a pain in the arse they were. I like a bita commotion every now and then. So, when I’m in public and I need a bit of attention I talk about how I don’t eat pork and people seem to be real nice about it. Why not sure? Everyone respects a man with beliefs” 

Then he proceeded to down a bottle of unnamed monk tonic we love here in the little green Island, while we made our exit. 

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