Lessons I’ve learned so far… and the ones I’m still figuring out.
When I turned twenty-five (Not very long ago, by the way), I joked that I might as well start planning my funeral, because apparently that’s considered really old now.
While I may not be quite as old and wise as I sometimes feel, getting to this point has still come with a fair share of lessons. Some of them came from mistakes, some from the people around me, and others from simply getting older and seeing life a little differently than I did before.
Looking back, there are plenty of things I wish I had understood sooner, or at least taken more seriously when someone tried to tell me. Of course, a lot of these lessons are things you can only truly learn through experience.
So while I’m definitely still figuring things out as I go, here are some of the things I wish I had known, or really taken in, before I got here.
1. Live in the Present
In today’s virtual world, it’s easy to get caught up in what’s happening on a screen instead of the life unfolding around you. Notifications, messages, and endless scrolling can pull our attention away from the moments happening right in front of us.
When I think back on the best moments of my life, they had little to do with a phone and everything to do with the people I was with and the places I was experiencing. The feelings of being present in a moment are what stay with us long after the screen is turned off.
Additionally, constantly worrying about what has yet to happen or regretting things you wish you had done differently pulls you away from the present moment.
Our minds have a tendency to drift either into the future or back into the past, replaying situations or imagining outcomes that have not yet occurred. Life ultimately comes down to the time we are given on this planet and what we choose to make of it, nothing more, nothing less.
Spending too much time on my phone or social media is something that has become an apparent struggle for me while living abroad. It feels impossible to stay up to date with everyone without getting lost in instagram stories but sometimes opting for a phone call and walk outside is better than doom scrolling for hours.
2. If It Irritates You, It Might Reflect You
The traits that get under your skin that you notice in others will often reveal something about your subconscious (or conscious) feelings when you take some time to reflect.
Our reactions to people are not always just about their behavior; sometimes they highlight values, insecurities, or experiences that we carry ourselves. For example, if someone’s behavior feels arrogant to you, it may be worth considering whether it touches on your own feelings about confidence or assertiveness.
In some cases, what we perceive as arrogance may simply be someone expressing a level of confidence that we are still learning to feel comfortable with ourselves. Taking a moment to pause and reflect on why a certain traits or actions bother us can offer an opportunity for self-awareness and personal growth.
This is a lesson I have experienced recently in my own personal relationships, though in a slightly different form. At times, I catch myself feeling more upset than I probably should when others don’t go out of their way to help me, especially when the request feels simple or easy.
Just because I automatically go out of my way for others (often without being asked) does not mean that other people will naturally do the same for me, nor are they required to.
At times this can still be hurtful, particularly in situations where I feel like I would have acted differently if the roles were reversed. However, I have come to realize that this reaction is often connected to my own tendency to anticipate other people’s needs and inability to say no.
Expecting others to operate in the same way that I do not realistic, and it is something I continue to work on reminding myself of.
3. Get Active and Get a Hobby
Being still is the antithesis of the human experience. As physical beings, we were never meant to sit and think all day without actually engaging with the world around us.
Throughout my life, I have often listened to my dad, who is a physician, talk about the fundamental, animalistic needs of the human body. Humans are built for movement and interaction with their environment.
We need to be active, we need to stimulate our bodies, and we need to engage our minds in the process. When we move, experience new places, connect with people, and challenge ourselves mentally and physically, we fulfill those natural needs that are essential to living a balanced and meaningful life.
Having an active hobby that gets you moving can also give you something meaningful to work toward. Hobbies teach us dedication and commitment to something we genuinely enjoy, and they often leave us feeling more connected to the world around us. They provide a sense of purpose outside of our daily responsibilities and remind us of the value of doing something simply because it brings us fulfillment.
I have ridden horses for my entire life, and it is equally a physical activity as it is a mental one. While it is not always easy, there has never been a time that I left the barn without feeling a bigger sense of appreciation for the world around me, even if I end up in the dirt a couple times.
Being outside, moving my body, and forming that connection with a horse has always reminded me how powerful it can be to ground yourself and fully experience the moment.
4. Stop Caring About What People Think of You
One of the biggest killers of enjoying an experience is worrying about what other people may think about you. When we become too focused on how we are being perceived, our attention shifts away from the moment itself.
We are supposed to be living our lives and having these experiences for ourselves, not for the people we are worrying about being perceived by.
One of the most important things I have learned is that nobody is thinking about you as much as you think about yourself. We all live inside our own minds, where our thoughts feel like the center of the world. Because of this, it’s easy to believe that others are closely watching and judging what we do.
The truth is, most people are simply caught up in their own thoughts, worries, and experiences… just like we are.
Another important thing to understand is that every person sees you through their own perspective, and no one will ever see you exactly the way you see yourself.
No matter how much you might want to control how others perceive you, people will always interpret your words and actions through their own experiences, beliefs, and assumptions. Because of this, the conclusions people draw about you will often differ from one another, and many of them may not align with how you see yourself at all.
Learning to accept this can be freeing, as it reminds us that we cannot control every opinion, only how we choose to live and present ourselves.
5. Tell Your Friends and Family That You Love Them, Often
We are all alive for an unknown amount of time on this earth. Making sure the people that you care about are aware of your love for them and are constantly reminded of it, is not something to ever be ashamed of. At the end of the day, would you rather be remembered for saying it too much or not enough?
One thing I wish I had practiced more when I was younger is leaving conversations on a positive note, especially with family. It’s normal to argue with the people you love, often because you care about each other and emotions can run high in the moment.
Communicating clearly when you’re upset isn’t always easy. Looking back, I wish that in some of those difficult moments I had taken a step back and reminded them that I loved them, instead of letting the conversation end on negative feelings.
You’ll never regret telling the people you care about that you love them, but its possible to regret saying something you can’t take back.
6. Listen To Your Gut
Learning to listen to your gut is one of the most valuable skills you can develop. That instinctive feeling you get about a person, a situation, or a decision often comes from your brain processing patterns and experiences you may not consciously recognize.
Even if you can’t immediately explain why something feels right or wrong, your intuition is utilizing knowledge you’ve built over time.
Your brain is constantly absorbing information from your surroundings. Body language, tone of voice, past experiences, are all stored without you always realizing it.
When something feels “off,” it may be because your mind is picking up on subtle signals that don’t align with what you’re being told. Your body can even react physically through stress responses or feelings of unease.
Learning to trust that internal voice can help guide you toward better choices, protect you from situations that don’t feel right, and remind you that sometimes your instincts know more than you think.
There have been multiple instances in my life where I have felt these warnings from my gut and ignored them, and I always think back to the alarms going off in my head after the fact.
Twenty-five isn’t the end of learning, if anything, it’s just the beginning of realizing how much you still have to figure out. I’m sure there will be plenty more lessons ahead, but these are a few that have stuck with me so far.
Because at the end of the day, this is everyone’s first time living—so we might as well try to do it well.
