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Shocking: Local Man Interviews Human Garbage

Photo by Monstera from Pexels

In a powerful, thought provoking piece of journalism I was able to sit down and chat with real life human garbage.

Who is this piece of human garbage you may be asking? Well, he has two thumbs, is afraid of sharks and can’t spell. That’s right, I’m talking about myself.

Getting the opportunity to interview me, one hour in the future, is something I could only dream of being able to do. My career, my hard work and my passion for investigative journalism has led me to the penultimate climax of my career.

Allow me to set the scene and walk you through this compelling piece of content.

Mullingar, chilly yet sunny Tuesday afternoon. I was enjoying a cup of tea while watching Avatar the Last Airbender. After finishing the episode and the tea I decided I’d bang out that interview for Claire’s class. Oh but wait, I can’t go anywhere because the woman that shoved a cotton swap up my nose hasn’t informed me whether I got the Rona or not yet. So, my interview choices were me or the dog, and she is not known to speak much.

I racked my brain for what I could do. Until an idea popped up. “Sure, I’ll interview myself. I’m class and my mam says I’m interesting”. It was the perfect plan, I would simply interview myself one hour in the future and see if I got my tasks completed.

I whipped out the phone, opened up the camera and recorded some questions. One hour later I once again whipped out the phone and answered those very same questions. Using KineMaster I put the whole thing together into one amazing interview that would give Ellen The Generous a run for her money.

Putting my phone down I decided after all my hard work I needed a break. So, on the shoes went and out for a stroll with the dog I went.

Jump to Thursday night.

Waking up from an impromptu 25 minute nap, I looked over at the clock on the wall. I tried to make out the time but remembered that analog clocks were for old people (get with the future Granny, clocks don’t need hands). I picked up my phone and saw that it was 23:38. Also, my friend Rob had sent me a TikTok which was pretty cool.

After watching the TikTok of a jar of Mayonnaise going up an escalator a sudden rush of cold panic ran through my body. “THE BLOG POST!” I shouted, alarming the dog.

I grabbed my laptop and frantically typed “The Circular” into Google. however, Google took me to a website for a restaurant in Dublin 8 also called “The Circular“. Their menu looked pretty good but they had an ugly website and also a tab called “DADDY’S” which I felt dirty reading.

Correcting my mistake I arrived onto the The Circular. I clicked in to start a new post. After aging several years waiting for the page to load I finally got in.

From their the rest is history.

That’s my story. Don’t like it? Tough, its the only one I got.

Please enjoy my interview!

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