Opinion: Is Ghosting Normal Now?

Image Credit: Chad Tetzlaff. Source: Unsplash

Have you ever been of Ghosted? Has it left you confused, bewildered and possibly upset? Tinder have gone to the trouble of compiling a list on the reasons reasons you might have had a hand in being ghosted. From my research, the reality seems that it probably had nothing to do with you at all.

Image Credit: Alex Ware. Source: Unsplash

Overall, Ghosting seems like a pretty cowardly thing to do. First, it’s just one text that goes unanswered. Then, it’s 3. Your calls go to voicemail and the silence grows deeper by the minute. You may start to worry.

The hurtful part of this phenomenon is that they do not explain anything. The person just “disappears” and refuses to maintain any kind of contact. Ghosting is an avoidance behavior that many times stems from a fear of conflict. Only people with extremely poor character used to do this behavior. However, with the advancement of the internet, dating sites, and social networking sites this type of behavior is becoming all the more common. The emotional damage and effects it does to people is severe despite how common it is. They are not at all concerned with how it makes the other person feel.

Ghosting is more complex a phenomenon than you might initially think. And it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Even though this behaviour seems universally unaccepted as a social norm . Why are people doing it? And Is there ever a valid excuse?

I have complied a little infographic for you below on the reasons that Men and Women might ghost a date. I asked people if they had ever ghosted a date, and if so why? 30 people took part in the Survey with a variety of ages from 19-34, 16 Males & 14 Females and below are the results.

Ghosting hurts; it’s a seemingly cruel rejection. It is particularly painful because you are left with no rationale, no guidelines for how to proceed, and often a heap of emotions to sort through on your own.

In this age of ever advancing technology, they are likely to appear on your various forms of social media and, if that’s the case, this person who is now physically gone from your life, is still quite visible. How do you move on? Unfortunately, there’s no magic bullet or proven advice to quickly guide you into recovery from a ghosted heart, but there is common sense. There are now new dating terms such as ‘Orbiting‘ and ‘Bread crumming‘ crimes that are equally as heinous.

Dating coaches advice that you should Avoid reminders of your ex and stop typing their name into the search bar. They’re likely to cause painful emotions to resurface, and they won’t help you get emotional closure or insight into why they broke up with you.

Image: Stanley Dai. Source: Unsplash

After you stop torturing yourself by going over old photos, saved old texts, new social media postings, and anything else you think might give you insight into the mind and current whereabouts of your ghoster, try to find a new distraction. Perhaps most importantly, know that this probably isn’t about you or anything you did wrong.

You should remember that if your ex chose the strategy of ghosting to break up with you, it likely tells you something about them and their shortcomings, rather than indicating that the problem lies with you. Communication is key in any healthy relationship.

In other words, try to move on as quickly and completely as you can. Maintain your dignity and stay focused on your own health, happiness and future, leaving the ghoster to deal with the ultimate repercussions of their own immaturity and lack of courage in the context of a relationship.

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