Diary of an eco-warrior

A well-publicised report from the Lancet Medical Journal has called for people in western society to drastically alter their diets to ease the effects of global warming.

What are we eating and what should we be eating? A new Lancet report suggests major changes 🥕🥩 | https://t.co/HtubT4i6Rz pic.twitter.com/4wZxt5zHTr— RTÉ News (@rtenews) January 17, 2019

Some of the changes they call for include eating only 7g of beef or lamb a day (an 89 % reduction for Irish people), 50g of potatoes per day, (quarter of a medium-sized potato). 250g of dairy a day, and 28g of fish (about half a fish finger). They recommend that the calories should be replaced by doubling consumption of nuts, fruits, vegetables and legumes.

Absolutely stupid rubbish #Lancet
Who are this #Lancet crowd ? pic.twitter.com/tdLDWzPbC6— Robert Daly. (@mrbobdaly) January 17, 2019

To find out how this would affect the average Irish person I tried the diet out for myself and charted my progress.

Monday, March 25th
 
 8 am
Dear Diary
With the news that diets that are high in meat, dairy and fish are bad for the planet, I’ve decided to do might bit as a global citizen and cut them out. The “power of one” and all that, ye know? How hard can it be? I’ve bought enough fruit and veg to kill a gorilla, dug a vegetable patch the size of the Phoenix Park and am ready to go.


8.30 am
Deary Diary
I’m beginning to empathise with people who give up smoking, cold turkey (pun intended) isn’t easy. I’ve only been meat free for a few minutes and I’ve already broken out into a cold sweat and have the shakes. I might have bitten off kale than I can chew here, but I can’t give up this easily. However, I should draw up a will just in case.

Always goes for the kale first pic.twitter.com/6Czxpe1niL— em (@lilemiIy) April 1, 2019

9pm

Dear Diary
Maybe that Healy Rae was right when he said: “ if you’re a hard worker and do a hard day’s work there’s nothing to bring you back and to revive you again than a piece of good meat”.
I haven’t even gotten off the couch today and I feel like a famine victim. Tomorrow can only be better, right?

Tuesday, March 26th

5 am

Dear Diary
I haven’t seen 5 am on a clock since my watch ran out of battery, but I’ve been having nightmares, so I can’t sleep. In my dreams I was being chased my giant cocktail sausages, except not so deep down I wanted to be caught. Does anyone have the number of a good shrink?

via GIPHY

9 am

Dear Diary
My mother decided to support my noble quest to save the planet and prepare a vegan breakfast for me. God bless her, it was a nice gesture but it looks like a flowerbed and tastes like someone poured vinegar on poison ivy.  Might just stick with toast for now.

11am
Dear Diary
I hope I’m never subjected to torture because I’ve the willpower of Winnie the Pooh trying to kick his honey habit : absolutely zero. I even tried to take a bite out of a low flying duck earlier. When we’re on the subject, do earthworms count as meat?


1.43pm
Dear Diary
I caved.  Exactly 29 hours and 43 minutes later my one-man crusade to save the world has ended in glorious (less) failure. The waft of fresh chicken coming from Nandos in Blanchardstown proved to be too much for this eco-warrior. Sure global warming doesn’t exist anyway, just ask the President of America…