Britney Spears live

Do not buy a ticket to this… (Image by Akislot)

Britney Spears at the 2007 MTV VMAs
Britney Spears is the undisputed Queen of the bad performances! With Brit, it’s all about her iconic arm dancing, uncomfortable struts and not a live note to be heard. Nothing will ever beat her now legendary performance of ‘Gimme More’ at the VMAs when she couldn’t even give a little…

Ashlee Simpson on SNL
I guess this barely qualifies as a ‘performance’ per se – but it is the stuff of legends! Watch as would-be popstar Ashlee Simpson starts miming to the wrong song, does a little jig and then walks off the SNL stage and the face of the earth forever…

Cassie on BET 2006
Remember Cassie? You probably don’t, and it’s all down to this performance! Cassie was an aspiring RnB star at a time in history when every second girl you met was trying to be the next Aaliyah. However Cassie had an ace up her… uh…. uh… sleeve… she was sleeping with Diddy! But even a hip-hop mogul couldn’t save her following this mess:

Rihanna ‘sings’ Hero
To be fair to Rihanna she’s come on leaps and bounds performance wise (at least when she isn’t three hours late and drunk on stage). This video is proof that none of us will never escape the awkward loser we were at 15…

Madonna at the 1998 MTV VMAs
Madonna had just received vocal training for her Golden Globe stealing turn in Evita and was enjoying the best critical acclaim of her entire career with her magnum opus, Ray of Light. Then she pisses away all of that good-will with this 8 minute long recital of all the notes she should never attempt

Nicki Minaj at The Grammys 2012
Easily the most bizarre performance in our list, Nicki Minaj performing Roman Reloaded at The Grammys was an exercise in bad taste. The musical equivalent of a John Waters film, this one luxuriates in how uncomfortable it makes you

Lady Gaga on SNL
What do you do when you’re the most over-exposed popstar of all time? Well you go to an American TV institution and  grind on stage with alleged paedophile and all-round gross guy, R. Kelly, while jerking your way through the song with all the rhythm of post-2004 Britney Spears

Girls Aloud on GMTV
The other 3 minutes and 20 seconds of this performance were perfectly fine (by Girls Aloud standards anyway), but Sarah’s “bum note” here is a thing of absolute joy. This was even my ringtone for a while…

Katy Perry on X Factor
Katy Perry can sing every note except the one she’s trying to hit. She blew out our speakers and our eardrums with every single performance of Firework a few years back, and last year she repeated the favour when she struggled her way through her Celtic Woman anthem, Unconditionally
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCclGS531C8

Miley Cyrus at the MTV VMAs
To a large proportion of society, Miley Cyrus invented ‘twerking‘. Never before has a dance move been so maligned by its most famous performer! Watch Miley attempt to tongue herself at the VMAs while single-handedly destroying Robin Thicke’s marriage…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uq00ooMJHcU

image of a Miley

“we caaaan’t stoppp”… pls stop 🙁 (image courtesy of Mike Schmid)