The story goes pretty much the same. You meet someone really nice. The conversation flows, you have the same taste for music, share the same passion for the same movies and sitcoms. Here comes your first date and “oh my God, we like the same milkshake flavor”! Then comes the second date, but the conversations via WhatsApp are no longer lasting all day. The third date was not in the following weekend because someone is busy. But it was two weeks later, that was ok. The fourth one never happened. There are hundreds of “whys” to be answered. However, the person simply disappeared, as you have never met, as anything else mattered.
The new name for this kind of behavior is Ghosting. Ghosting because the person leaves without any explanation and the “Ghostee” one lives the sensation of missing the conversations, the dates or even some moments. Mainly, the Ghosting victims are always wondering what went wrong, what they could have done to try it again or always blaming themselves for the other’s behavior. There are loads of questions that difficultly will be answered.
Some years ago, this behavior would be called the “slow fade”. It is hard to tell if with the ease of ways to meet someone nowadays – date apps, WhatsApp, Social Media and all, has allowed this conduct to take new forms. Living in this era of modern digital relationships, when direct messages instead of calls or face-to-face meetings are more important, the rhythm of things are also different and misunderstood. You must be able to start to recognize the actions of the other person between the lines – those that never were sent sometimes.
In a recent study published in the Journal of Research in Personality, from seven breaking up strategies that were identified, the number one is the Ghosting. In other words and quoting the answers given: “avoiding/withdrawing from contact with your partner — like not answering texts or calls”. Of course, breaking up is not good for anyone. Still according to the study, the authors also did a research that pointed: “participants, alternatively, rated avoiding a partner as the least ideal method”. According to all the interviewees, the best way is always tell the truth and do it looking at their faces.
The dating apps are not the exclusively very to blame. If it were not them, would be another thing. The truth is that with the speed of all the information people gets nowadays, there are many other options and new people to know and to try a romantic relationship. People are afraid to commit, to know each other better and, apparently, many forgot how to consider each others feelings and respect them as a person.
A way to discover if someone cares about and that someone also respects you, not only as a romantic partner but at a person or future friend, is when they care enough to tell what is really going on. If one is not able to do that and then chose for the Ghosting easy way, hence this one is not that into you. All that said it is time to move one and forget about the Casper story – you do not need to be adjusting to that.