Valentine’s Day can be irritating for singletons, whether or not you’re happily detached or craving a relationship. It seems like everyone who was in a relationship before has now transformed their bond into a ‘special, transcendental’ affair, just for the day itself. This is despite the fact that they were posting indirect passive aggressive statuses on Facebook only a few days ago.

Alas singletons, all is not lost. I’m here, in my superhero garb (imagine me in a cape and a heart inside a prohibition sign plastered across my chest) to teach you how to have the best Valentine’s Day of your life. Believe me, I’ve had my fair share of V-Day’s both single and attached, each being equally crap and uncomfortable. Below, I’ve outlined some tips on how to deal with cupid outstaying his welcome.

1. Exercise. It requires effort, I know, but you’re laying the foundation for a good day what with all those fluttering endorphins. So, while all those lovey-dovey couples are out in their ‘fancy’ restaurants sweating over what to pick from an overpriced set menu, you’ll be in the gym pounding away to the vibrations of Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I Will Survive’.

2. Go all out and have a food-athon. Whether it be cookies, cupcakes or a steak so monstrous it would make a vegetarian weep, nothing beats the pleasure that comes from eating delicious fare. Set the table and light some candles, because this is gonna be a special moment.

3. Watch shows like Arrested Development, The Killing and The Walking Dead. TV can be so insensitive at a time like this, so don’t choose anything that flaunts its soppy love stories in your face. Stay well away from the likes of New Girl or any rom-com movies that might arouse flowery feelings in you, this is not the time. I agree that the pull of Nick Miller is too much to bear at times, but endurance is key here.

4. Have some friends over. Preferably single friends, but hey, we’re not prejudiced in this community. Just make sure they’re screened and patted down at the door for any illegal paraphernalia; Mariah Carey CD’s, poems, roses, you get the gist.

5. Get shamelessly inebriated. I should warn you, however, that this can be a double edged sword. Have a little private talk with yourself in the bathroom mirror and vow that you will not wallow in self-pity and declare yourself a lone wolf. You cannot be tamed.

6. Do not talk about other couples. I know it’s extremely tempting to bash other ‘so-called’ relationships but after you come down off the high this brings, you’ll only feel like crap. I agree that some couples in the throes of V-Day passion are very kind of annoying, but resist the urge to take them down a notch. Even better – and, for extra brownie points – why don’t you wish them a Happy Valentine’s Day? And then watch the look on their faces as you saunter off, fist punching the air Breakfast Club-style. Or something like that.

breakfast-club-fist-pump-o

Source: gifsoup.com

What are you doing this V-Day in order to ease the pain of singledom? Comment below!