10 warnings about Redheads

Zoe Fagan

Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

There’s a lot of mystery surrounding redheads and people can’t seem to separate myth from fact when discussing the fiery breed.  Red-heads are continually teased for their vibrant locks and it’s not a new phenomena because throughout history redheaded folk were mistrusted and victims of  violence and abuse. The ginger teasing that happens today is most evident among younger people in schools and colleges. Some redheads are even dying their hair in an attempt find relief from name-calling. Being “different” may seem terrifying but honestly, it is the greatest thing in the world.

I’m a ginger and I come from a family where the ginger gene has always existed. My sister, my mom, my dad, my friends and even my dog have red hair. I know ginge like the hair on the back of my hand so I want to tell you the truth about redheads and why red hair is a force to be reckoned with.

1. It’s not a myth, we have a ferocious temper

Angry redhead girl
Don’t mess with a redhead – photo credit Lucky Lynda Flickr

I’d like to put the bad temper down to the amount of slagging we get for our hair. Can you blame us for getting a little irritated hearing the likes of carrot-top, ranger (Aussie term), tampon head and day-walker on an hourly basis? All the gingers I know (myself included) have relaxed and easy-going personalities 99.9% of the time but when something sends us over the edge, it really sends us over edge. Next time you think about teasing a red-head just remember that a storm is brewing inside them and when a ginger storm is raging it shows no mercy.

Tip: Try appealing to the better side of a fiery redzer and use compliments instead of taunts. According to research redheads have more sex than blondes and brunettes. Sleeping with the enemy never sounded better.

2. You’ve been warned, we have a dodgy history

Painting of two red heads
In medieval times gingers were thought to have been conceived during menstruation – photo credit Renaud Camus (Flickr)

Ever felt nervous before meeting your girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s parents? When it comes to gingers you have a very good reason to  worry. One redhead is a lot to handle; now imagine yourself in a room with more than one because there is a very high chance you beloved ginger GF or BF has ginger parents. If that’s not enough to keep you on your toes while dealing with redheads then let’s take a detour into the history of red hair. Warning, the following information is not pretty.

The Ancient Greeks feared that redheads would turn into vampires when they died. This is one sure reason not to give a ginger a grudge against you!  Egyptians regarded red hair as unlucky so they burnt ginger maidens alive to wipe out the gene. Little did they know at that time that non-gingers can also carry the ginger gene.

In Christian Europe, red hair was a sign of witchcraft and among many cultures it was said to never trust a redhead. However, the best reason to be wary of redheads comes from the medieval belief that if a couple decided to get saucy during a woman’s menstruation the child would be born with red-hair. As much as I love this tale I can’t say it doesn’t concern me considering almost everyone in my family has red hair…

3. We’re not vain but we do think we’re great!

Bald guy with red hair and blue eyes
Red hair and blue eyes are unique – photo credit Dylan (flickr)

So maybe the fact that only 1-2% of the world population have red hair has gone to our redheads. We do like to be told we’re unique but watch out, when you compliment a redhead chances are our face will become so red you won’t be able to tell our hair from our face. Don’t stress because although it may look like our purple faces are about to explode we have taught ourselves how not to.

NOTE: If you are lucky enough to come across a left-handed ginger with blue eyes then you’ve basically stepped into the presence of a god. Angels will sing and the sun will shine because you have just come across the most unique combination of genes on the planet!

4. We have super powers so don’t piss us off

Angry little girl with red hair
We have more than souls, we have super powers – photo credit Anthony Kelly (Flickr)

As well as making up a large percentage of the wizardry world and being responsible for the most fierce and attractive vampires,  gingers have super-powers which are constantly increasing. For all you know you may be looking at future world leaders and, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.

Being ginger indicates being pale (excluding the freak-of-nature Mediterranean gingers who somehow tan, damn you!)  and this means more Vitamin D. Research shows that people with lighter skin require less exposure to the sun to produce the amount of Vitamin D they need. So all we need is 5 minutes in the sun to radiate Vitamin D and 10 minutes to fry; who wouldn’t be jealous of these powers?

And our super-powers don’t stop there! Redheads can detect temperature change more than any other hair colour so if you see a group of redheads running for their lives, I suggest running too because it could mean an ice age or burning asteroid are fast approaching.

But what you really must know is that gingers are mutants. The gene that causes red hair, sensitivity to temperature and production of Vitamin D is all down to MC1R, a genetic mutation. The greatest power of this gene is that it requires more anaesthetic than others… we don’t go out without a fight.

5. WARNING! Do not touch the mane

Red hair girl with crazy frizzy hair
Hands off the fro! – photo credit Niklas Montelius (Flickr)

Yes we love to be adored and appreciate but, from a distance! We have less strands of hair on our heads than others, about 50,000 less strands, so every one of those strands is precious. And, not only are we lacking in locks but those that we do have are thicker than other hair colours which means it’s harder for us to control the fro. Best decision would be to leave our hair alone and admire it from afar.

6. We’re pretty infatuated with each other

A croud of headheads gather in Ireland
Gingers gather for Ginger Festival – photo credit Ben (memecentre)

There’s something about the fiery breed because, for some reason, we are drawn towards fellow redheads. Maybe we are a little vain in appreciating people who look exactly like us or maybe we gather together because we all share the same blessings and burdens. Our REDar is pretty amazing too, although it wouldn’t be the hardest thing to spot a redhead in a crowd. And, whenever we see another ginger we can’t help but stare and wonder “is his hair redder than mine? Does she have more freckles than me? Am I paler than him? God, they’re beautiful!”

For whatever reason gingers unite and this could be a very good reason to be aware of redheads and who knows, at this very minute we could be plotting to take over the world.

7. We’re on the fence about inter-ginger hook ups

Red head girl with a disgusted look on her face
Hooking up with a fellow ginger is like hooking up with family. Gross! – photo credit nathanmac87 (Flickr)

No, we do not want to get with fellow redheads. This is probably due to the amount of torment we get from our non-ginger friends when passing another ginger on the street, “Oh look, there’s your brother!” At this stage its been brainwashed into us that getting with a fellow ginger is like getting with a family member. BUT! This doesn’t stop us considering it because…

8. BECAUSE WE WANT GINGER BABIES!!!

Angry ginger baby
Dont mess with a ginger baby – photo credit emdot (Flickr)

We could not imagine anything cuter than mini-mes. Every so often there’s a scare that the ginger race is becoming extinct and when this happens we turn to our fellow gingers and say “look neither of us want this but we can’t go extinct, let’s have babies!” And then more and more research emerges that the ginger gene isn’t as rare as we think. After a sigh of relief we say farewell to our fellow ginger and head out on the prowl for a ginger gene carrier.

Tip for the ladies: the best way to tell if a guy carries the gene is to search for ginger hairs in his beard. He may think you’re a bit strange but ginger survival comes before reputation.

Tip for those not carrying the ginger gene: we’re not interested!

9. You will never get rid of us mwahahahahahahahah!

Redhead girl with sword
Ain’t no stopping a ginger – photo credit Bo Boswell (Flickr)

Love it or hate it, you will never get rid of the feisty redzers. It was once believed that redheads got their colour due to adapting to cloudy weather. Well, it’s all baloney. The only way redheads will ever go extinct is if everyone who carriers the ginger gene stopped reproducing and, I’m sure you will agree, that will never happen.

Gingers are here to stay so beware!

10. Warning … Once you pop you just can’t stop

Red hot pringles
Once with a ginger always with a ginger – photo credit Mike Mozart (Flickr)

This is, as I call, a Fagan Fact (a Fagan Fact is a statement which, may or may not be true but, the publisher of the statement believes to be the definition of truth). From my acute observations I have found that once you hook up with a ginger you can never go back. Your once mundane life will be altered forever and nothing will ever be good enough unless you have a ginger in your life. Maybe it’s due to our fiery temper, alluring history, rarity or perhaps you just can’t resist a feisty individual who knows how to appreciate their own species but, no matter what the reason, I promise you once you pop, you just can’t stop.

What’s your thoughts on redheads? Share your comments below…

/ 10 Articles

Zoe Fagan