1. The Weird Walker
We’ve all seem them either walking or running down the street in front of us and we just can’t top staring at their penguin-like gait. These people give you a serious complex as you think “I wonder what way I walk? Do I walk like that? Oh please no, please let me have a proper human-being walk!” And the more you think about it the weirder your own walk gets. It a vicious cycle people.
2. The Girls
You spot these (BEEPS) a mile away and the closer they get the more your anger builds as you think “no way am I stepping off the path so this lot can continue their girly natter.” It always ends up with an inner declared competition, “game on b*tches”, of Red Rover as you try to bulldoze your way through this barricade of swishing hair and shrieking laughter. Unfortunately, you always lose and you begrudgingly step onto the road, but, with a loud “tch” to let the girlos know you don’t go down without a fight.
3. The Ef’in Cyclist
These people really make my blood boil. It’s a FOOT-path not a CYCLE-path and you’re making me look like a lunatic as I keep trying to jump out of your way.
4. The Self-Admirer
I love these people. I can never put my finger on what it is about them that makes my day: the ability to be so vain, shameless or clueless. If you’re ever lucky enough to share a long stint walking down the street behind one of these, try count how many times they flick their hair and, while doing so, tilting their head to the side to check themselves out in a window. And the best part is when they think they’re being so slick and no-one can notice the eye-sex they’re having with themselves. I see you!
5. The Tourist Mob
I’m already in a panic just thinking about these people. One minute you’re minding your own business enjoying a beautiful stroll down the street when all of a sudden you hear a buzzing sound. At first you think it’s a bee until the sound increases and suddenly, you’re faced with a mob of tourists chattering and snapping. You raise your shoulder and think, “no big deal, I’ll nudge my way through”, until you become trapped in the middle and, with no will to survive, curl up into a ball, rocking yourself until the mob passes.
6. The Lovers
“Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” There is really no need to eat the faces off each other in the middle of the street. I haven’t even had my morning coffee and you two are ready to head off to bed together. This really winds me up even if I’m in a puppy-love relationship myself but don’t get me started if I’m single and see this.
7. The Haters
“Awkward!” I may be extremely hostile towards the previous two but I beam when I see a couple tearing each other to shreds on the street and think, “glad that’s not me”. However, a safe distance is required in case a handbag starts swinging or god forbid, you’re accused of being the “other person”.
8. The Follower
What is it with these people? You either hear them and can’t see them or, see them and can’t hear them. Their creepy footsteps and eerie shadow come from nowhere and when their pace picks up you can’t help but think “tonight, I die!” And then, they step into a building that says “Bingo” in the window.
9. The Copy-cat
So you’ve been slowly gathering pace on the person walking in front of you but when you decide it’s time to overtake, they start walking faster too. Suddenly, you’re in this awkward situation where you’re both walking side-by-side and no matter who tries to increase or decrease the speed you’re inseparable. If this happens with with another girl I think “back off!” but when it happens with a guys I think “this is fate, maybe I should hold his hand”.
10. The Caller
It’s the person you dread coming across when you’ve finished a long day at work. I call them “the E.T. phone homer” as their walk home is the perfect time to call every single relation for a catch-up. Okay, so sometimes it’s interesting to eavesdrop on the scandal currently going on in their lives and you’ve hit jackpot when Bob decided to call “the lads” to whine about the missus. But when Bob says “oh sorry Gran, gotta go, just bumped into my friend David” and no friend is in sight, you can’t help but want to send a letter to his little old granny and say “your grandson is a liar!”