The age-old debate of the capital’s dwellers, The Dubs, versus the rest of the country is as alive and well as ever. The Dubliners have fondly labelled anyone outside of the capital ‘culchies’ who are deemed as traditional and old-fashioned specimens and apparently are automatically all farmers who love a good ham sandwich.
However snazzy the Dubs may think they are with their Luas, bottomless brunches and working Wifi, here’s 10 reasons why they should be jealous of culchies living it up outside the Pale.
1.Born to drive
Learning to drive on a tractor before you make your confirmation. It’s like a rite of passage for countryside folk. Once you’ve mastered how to maneuver a John Deere, driving a car is like a walk in the park.
2. Lock-ins at the local
Living in the back arse of nowhere comes with mild isolation from civilization, but it also brings the best advantage – proper lock-ins in the local pub. Since the nearest Garda station is at least 20 miles away, there’s no limit on closing time for culchies.
3. Being on a first name basis
Absolutely everyone knows who you are. And that means they know your business. The whole village knows who you were with last night and they know who you’ll be with next week before you do.
4. Spotting talent in mass
Who needs Tinder when you can check out the congregation looking their best (or worst) on a Sunday. Who knows you might find your better half on the way up to Communion. If not, there’s an even better chance of finding them in the pub afterwards.
5. Free digital detox
There may not be proper broadband but Netflix and chill is overrated anyway. Instead, you can fill your lungs with fresh country air and immerse yourself in the beauty of our renowned green fields and be one with nature. No need for paying for a digital detox when you can experience it on a daily basis.
6. Peace and quiet
The benefit of experiencing actual peace and quiet, no sirens or beeping horns while you’re trying to nod off (although the odd moo from a cow is expected). On the other hand, as your next door neighbour is about five fields away, you can have the tunes on full blast and throw the best house parties.
7. Traffic jams
Having the valid excuse of running late due to cattle parading down the only road to work as they’re changing fields.
8. Ain’t nobody got time for that
Speaking of traffic, not having the luxury of the M50 comes with its pros. No time wasted in your car stuck for hours on end. You’re only ever a half hour away from work and the local shop unless you get stuck behind the cows.
9. Healthy lifestyle
Without the likes of JustEat and Deliveroo, which are notions for the cities, it’s a whole lot easier to avoid ordering that spice bag and cook your own food instead. Sure you can’t go wrong with the good aul combo of spuds, meat, and veg!
10. The salute
The heartwarming and sincere feeling of being acknowledged cannot be denied with the salute. Whether it be the mere lift of a finger, a nod of the head or a full-blown wave. This friendly gesture is engraved in culchie behaviour. The beauty of this acknowledgment is that you don’t need to know the person in order to perform it. No one is denied the gift of one, even if you’re a Dub you’ll be lucky to be on the receiving end of the beloved salute.